YourGamer.Net

Yes, well, it’s been a looong time since I posted. My internet went down for a while, lots of work, etc, etc, etc. Until I get a major post worked up, here’s a troll a friend did on Furcadia today, which I followed up for extra lulz.
ONCE AGAIN, EXPLICIT TEXT…nothing TOO bad this time, but still…watch out D:

Two characters for this one. My friend took point with a character we’ll call…um…”Matilda” in order to protect future lulz:

The first thing you would see is the small, specially designed helmet she wore on her head. As your eyes trailed down a little further, you could see that her face was fairly beautiful, despite being topped with such an obnoxious decoration… but was that all it was? As you approached she looked at you, her tongue sliding out of her mouth, followed by sounds of incoherent studdering. Her chest was a healthy 38D-bust, and clothed in just a drab brown dress. As you watched her take a few steps, her gait was awfully crooked. You suddenly realized what the helmet was for. [Mentally handicapped]

…yes. Somebody tried to rape that. Here’s the beginning:

[ Victim whispers, "Victim had just had quite a successful steal from one of the manors on the far end of town and was now wandering down one of the side streets towards the shopping square. He chose the side streets for a number of reasons. to avoid being seen, to get out of the harsh sun of this warm day, and to stay out of the dry dust. Other than that he loved these arid desert towns. Just as he was reaching the end of the alley though he walked past a rather peculiar girl and tilted his head a s he slowed to look at her" to you. ]

[ You whisper "Matilda had been staring at the wall behind her home for several hours now while her mother was away, a thick puddle of drool at her feet as she just blankly stared at the undecorated stone wall. After he had been watching her for quite some time, she finally noticed him and turned around, tilting her head in return as she stared at him for a while, eventually a crooked smile coming over her lips. "H-hello there!" she said, waving to him before taking a few awkward steps towards him." to Victim. ]

[ Victim whispers, "cracked a wry smile at the odd behavior of this one, scratching at her helmet absently before looking around them. It wasn't often he ran into someone with such a slow mentality, and despite his usual compassion for such, felt like taking advantage. "You have any money sweetheart?" he said, trying to sound as kind as possible, all the while looking over her. She didn't look bad, but why was she alone out here? This area of town tended to be a den of vipers, one such viper talking to her now. "Come now, give the friendly ferret some money"" to you. ]

[ You whisper "Matilda looked at him with confusion as he spoke to her. Having the mental abilities akin to a six year old, she didn't quite understand the concept of currency much, except that it was used to buy things. Another glob of drool hit the dry ground beneath them as she shook her head, sending some of that drool flying. "N-no... mommy didn't g-g-ive me any money, mister..." she said politely. Unbeknownst to her, her femsex was easily seen through the tight pants she was wearing, and her nipples were quite hard at the moment, her clothing showcasing her curvy, luscious body nicely." to Victim. ]

[ Victim whispers, "looked down at the growing puddle, raising a brow slightly and then looking back at her. "Oh well thats a shame" he said softly, seeming to still be figuring out what was going on even now. He eyed her body and scooched closer, not normally one to go as far as h was thinking, but this was easy prey. "You have something better than money anyway, cutey" he said, making sure the alley was empty as he got even closer, moving his body against hers as he reached down to undo his pants, the belt coming undone with a clank and a paw roaming between her legs. Certainly he was that forward" to you. ]

[ You whisper "Matilda looked at him with a look of shock, possibly fear, but she didn't move. Already pressed against the wall practically, she just stood there, staring at him with a look of confusion and fright, glancing down at his pants when he undid them, her legs trying to close as she felt the paw between them. "M-mommy s-said not to let s-strangers t-t-touch me in those places, mister...." she managed to studder out. Despite her not being able to understand sexuality, her nipples grew even perkier as he moved in closer." to Victim. ]

[ Victim whispers, "[yes, i think we'll just call it a day -_-]” to you. ]

WHAT?? It looks like our friendly victim thinks he can just walk away from this, hmm? Well, I know somebody who’s gonna have something to say about that…I tag in and jump into action!!!
Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “Mr. Victim?”

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “tah?”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “I understand you just took part in an internet chat with one Matilda”

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “is this chane?”

*chain is one of the more epic trolls on Furc*

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “No sir, I’m afraid not. Why don’t you have a seat over there, and we’ll discuss this.”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “Sir? Please take a seat.”

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “no thanks. just tell Matilda i know who he is #SA”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “He is an obese police officer sitting behind a computer screen.”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “What do you think of that Mr. Victim? You’re now a homosexual.”

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “you people must have put a lot of thought into this”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “Please don’t change the subject Mr. Victim. I have here some logs of your chat conversations with Ms. Matilda. Shall I read you an excerpt?”

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “read away, i’ll be putting you on ignore now”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “Mr. Victim, I’m afraid the police don’t have to respect the ignore command.”

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “sighs and nods, prepared to cooperate fully”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “Thank you Mr. Victim. Now then, if I may read an excerpt: “…he got even closer, moving his body against hers as he reached down to undo his pants, the belt coming undone with a clank and a paw roaming between her legs.”"

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “Is this your first time raeping the delicious loli Mr. Victim?”

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “in my defense, I did not rape her! I showed self control and stopped. ”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “Yet you did touch her in her genital region. Is that not so Mr. Victim?”

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “yes, but she still had her clothes on *raises a finger*”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “I believe that any unwanted touching qualifies as sexual assault, Mr. Victim, through the clothes or otherwise. But we’ll leave that for now. How did you come across Ms. Matilda? Do you search for underage girls often over the internets?”

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “ahh but she did not protest until after said touch, at which point I stopped. But, i’ll go along and answer your second question. I found ms. Matilda on an online game in an area normally reserved for sexual RP”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “I see. And how far did you plan to go Mr. Victim? You are aware of Ms. Matilda’s disability; did it not occur to you that she had stumbled into such an area by mistake?”

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “I was NOT immediately aware of said disability. when it became apparent that she was mentally insufficient and she protested, I stopped and planned to escort her to the nearest adult and or authority ASAP”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “May I ask what you thought her helmet was for?”

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “the helmet is irrelevant to my case”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “Let me quote something here Mr. Victim:”

*I whisper Matilda’s description to him*

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “Was it not abundantly clear that she was handicapped from that description Mr. Victim?”

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “hmmm, well. I’ve never seen a helmet like that before so..I thought she was just hot, you know from the heat?”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “From the heat, hmm? I see. And you expect our audience to believe this?”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “Chris|Hansen,|reporting beckons, and several camera men appear from fucking nowhere.”

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “D:”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “Mr. Victim, I’m Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC, and we’re doing a segment called “To Catch a Predator”"

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “but i’m not a predator. I’m a decent Ferret!”

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “she told me she was 18!”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “We’ll leave that up to our viewers to decide Mr. Victim.”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “I have the logs right here, over 9000 pages of them, and I see no occasion where Ms. Matilda mentioned her age. You are aware however, that her mental faculties are at the level of a six year old?”

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “she never mentioned that and I didn’t properly read the desc”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “I think this is the end of our conversation Mr. Victim. Is there anything you’d like to say to our television audience before you leave?”

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “yes, there is. *looks at the camera and casps his paws *together* Even if i made a mistake, shouldn’t we all be allowed a second chance? *smiles for the camera*”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “A lovely thought, Mr. Victim. If you’ll just exit out that d-oh…oh my, I’m afraid not…”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “Chris|Hansen,|reporting grins as the po-po jump out and handcuff him”

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “Victim isn’t built for prison D:”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “Chris|Hansen,|reporting watches the fuzz drag him off. “Goodbye, Mr. Victim.”"

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “resists arrest and tries to kick one of the cops in the balls”

Chris Hansen whispers to Victim: “Chris|Hansen,|reporting pulls out pepper spray and goes apeshit”

Victim whispers to Chris Hansen: “screams and clutches his eyes, babbling ncoherent threats and hate in front of the cameras”

The fact that he played along just makes this all the lulzier.

Anyways, I promise tommorrow’s blog will have more to do with actual gaming. Indie and freeware recommendations for your viewing pleasure!