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The story of Steam is well known to most PC gamers. The initial resentment, the crashes, the bugs, then the sudden upswing, the acquisition of indie titles, the increased ease of use, turning it into a useful tool more than a barely-tolerable burden to your gaming experience. Steam and Valve have together revolutionized the face of PC gaming, in terms of content (episodic games, third party devs all rolled into one app), installation and patching (all done automatically…if devs are gonna release a buggy build, the least they can do is have it patch itself when they finally get around to fixing it…), and most of all, exposure and advertising. How many people had heard of an indie studio calling itself Introversion before their outstandingly quirky RTS Darwinia was featured on Steam? With that success, the entire catalog of Introversion games started appearing on the service (Defcon, the classic Uplink, and the upcoming Multiwinia), and subsequently many other smaller studios started marketing their games on Steam. The platform has become a viable contender to become that “golden bullet” that will unify PC gamers, the answer to Xbox live that Microsoft’s own ham-handed attempt, GFW Live, clearly will never be.

So why bring all this up now? Old news, right? Well, what if Steam isn’t the golden bullet, but merely the trend setter? What if Steam is the prototype for countless other, similar systems of distribution? This could just mean a further splintering of the PC community, which, as some analysts would have it, can only lead to the DOWNFALL OF PC GAMING AS WE KNOW IT. Of course, this is BS, since PC gamers have exclusive, unlimited access to the most open ended online community known to mankind, the freaking INTERNET. Still, it’s an interesting point, and one that’s brought to the forefront by the freeware doodad known as “ZoopTEK Launcher.”

ZoopTEK is, according to their website, “a small organization built around programming for fun or creating useful programs.” This means that ZoopTEK has the notable distinction of being a delivery program for both gaming AND non-gaming software, though the focus is undoubtedly on gaming. The program is super-slim, at just over 500k, and grants you immediate access to several of ZoopTEK’s downloadable games. The reason the program was created, evidently, was to make an easy way for consumers to get the .net framework and Directx files that the games depended on, and it downloads these files automatically…but the potential is so much larger than this. The user doesn’t even need to check the website for new games, or updates to old ones…they’re just…there. And if you try a game and don’t like it, one click, and you’ve got an instant uninstall!

As for the games themselves, I can’t honestly claim to have tried them all. From the ones I have tried, most are passable for a short diversion, some are complete crap, and one is excellent (Zombsand, an outstanding zombie-survival-themed roguelike that I’ve been using to keep my hunger for Left 4 Dead at bay. Definitely try it.). But truly, that’s not the point. The point is, this is just another example of indie developers taking a concept from the commercial scene, using it, adapting it, and making it completely unique (and improved in many ways). That’s the sort of thing I love about the indie scene, and that is why we should ALL be paying attention to it.

EDIT: SO after writing all this up, our lovely editor johnwedd (killjoy =P ) informed me that ZoopTEK has been around for a while, before steam even. So, I stand corrected, but my point still stands. Indie devs are versatile and unique, and deserve notice.
Also, john mentions gametap, the well-received service that provides older games through a well-designed launcher, available on a rotating schedule of some sort or other (being on dialup, I can’t actually try it out to verify exactly how they do it). That sounds pretty awesome as well, and the thought of “recycling” old games in this way is novel. Too bad I can’t claim THAT spark of genius for indie, since gametap is run by Turner Entertainment. Ah well, can’t win em all.

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Aig here, not a long post tonight, but I thought I’d try to make good on my promise to stay up to date from now on.

Last night I wrote about the excellent game Chalk by Joakim Sandberg, and tonight I have to quickly recommend another of his games, Tripline.  This puzzle game is done in a notebook style, showing the same awesome art direction as his other games.  The board looks like one of those graph paper games that you used to play in school with your friends while the teacher was talking, and place pretty similarly.  It’s about making a constant line through sets of three of the same shape, without crossing your own line.  Sounds pretty simple, but the cute graphics and addictive gameplay are awesome.  And it gets REALLY HARD.  If you haven’t heard of it, definitely give it a try.
I’m recovering from a pretty nasty sinus infection right now, so I’ll work up some more interesting posts when I’m feeling better.  Hope everyone’s having a wicked weekend.

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So yeah, after my llengthy absence thanks to failed interweb, I’m back to stay…or at least I’d better be. Since I can’t play any games online these days, I’ve been looking through my single player library, and found some really fun indie titles that I forgot about completely. I’m gonna be showing some of them off over the next few days. Some of these may be old, but I can guarantee that you’ve never heard of at least one of these. I dug deep.

…deeeeep…

Anyways, the first game on my list is Chalk. This game drew a lot of attention when it first came out mid-2007 (I think…), but I’ve seen many people who’ve never heard of it. This is unacceptable, because Chalk has one of the most original and well-implemented gameplay concepts I’ve ever seen.

The basic progenitor of Chalk is the simple 2d space shooter. You have a character that travels around the screen, fighting swarms of progressively harder enemies with long boss battles at the end of each of the 6 stages. This is where the normalcy of Chalk ends. Instead of shooting bullets or missles at your enemy…you draw at them. That’s right, this entire game takes place on a chalkboard, and your only weapon is chalk. This could get boring fast, simply clicking and dragging lines across enemies, but the true genius of the combat system is the use of the same weapon (i.e. the drawn line) in different context. Enemy attacking with purple? Draw a line from the projectile to the enemy to transfer the damage to them. Attacking with white? Draw a shield and deflect the bullets back at them. I won’t ruin the other delicacies of the system, but let me just say that it’s truly engaging and a hell of a lot of fun. Puzzling and challenging bosses top off the awesome.
Sadly, the game’s short, easily beatable in about 30 minutes, but it *is* freeware, and I promise that you will replay over and over to try to beat your previous scores. I highly recommend it. I also recommend that you check out the author’s website, where there are some other fun games up, and more coming.

In other news, fans of Cavestory (another must-play, on the off chance anyone hasn’t heard of it) or Castlevania should absolutely check out this preview of The Underside. It looks promising, and the concept of having gravity reversed so you play both on floor and ceiling, while not new, is an interesting one to base a game on. I hope that the devs keep working on it so we get a finished product.

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The Night He Came Home…..Again

Everyone knows the story of the 1978 horror classic Halloween. Ten year old Michael Myers stabs his sister to death on Halloween night, and is incarcerated in a mental institution, which he breaks out of 15 years later. Well now the story has been retold for a new generation of splatter fans.

Directed by Rob Zombie, Halloween isn’t a retelling of the original, but more a re-imagining. Several bits of the story have been changed, such as the time line of actual events. This isn’t clearly stated, but rather noticed due to changes in settings and character behavior. For example, several characters own cell phones, a product barely dreamed of back in 1978. Another major change is an all new telling of young Michael Myers life before the events of that Halloween night.

For the most part, the original Michael Myers was, for lack of a better term, a lumbering oaf, only really able to kill due to his ability to hide in shadow and strike when least expected. The new Myers is a lot more human, and a lot more violent. Rather than sneaking up, stabbing once or twice, and walking off, Michael now relishes his kills, beating his victims down before administering the final blow. This change to the character was welcomed by me. Even though he came first, the original Myers was stylistically so close to Jason Vorhees that the two could have been the same killer. This new Myers now has his own personality, his own presence on screen.

Malcolm McDowell plays Dr. Samuel Loomis, the psychiatrist assigned to help Michael and try to keep him as docile as possible. He brings a strong sense of right and wrong to the character, telling others rather emphatically where they could have done more to stop Myers rampage. I actually enjoyed his portrayal more than the late Donald Pleasence’s, due to his anger at the people responsible for Michael’s escape.

Fans of Mr. Zombie’s other films will recognize Sherri Moon Zombie, Sid Haig, Bill Mosely, Danny Trejo, and Ken Foree. Sherri plays Michael’s mother, while the rest play side characters. It’s fun to try and spot them, as for the most part, they look nothing like they did in House of 1000 Corpses or Devil’s Rejects.

Halloween 2007 is great retelling, and a breath of fresh air for the somewhat stagnant Halloween series. I enjoyed it greatly, and I’m sure other horror fans will too.

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Now i’ve complained alot about not getting the good games, for various reasons. Number one, its true, and number two, i can’t afford the good stuff. So when i managed to fanagle a demo of Jericho, i had high hopes, maybe the other reviewers where wrong. Maybe i can play a game thats not a rip off of a past game and still good.

I was so disappointed that it felt dirty. I hate the fact that those that downplay a game so ruthlessly (such as , Zero Punctuation), turn out to be right. I’ve never wanted to change my true opinion so much.  In order to keep it simple and finally finish this review that i haven’t had time to do because my wife is monopolizing the computer for days on end. (thats right honey, i said it, you’re are selfish with the computer and force me to literally loose sleep in order to get any time what so ever on the computer.)

Visuals: Not particularly amazing, with today’s standards. Maybe inventive, 6 months ago but now, its annoying. The maps and the textures are crap-tacularly bland and redundant. Very easy to get lost in, and not really easy on the eyes. To be honest it will either look like mold or vomit depending in where you are. The effects are also confusingly blurry at times.

Game Play: Although, i have to give them credit for at least trying to mix up the squad based genre, i think the fact that you don’t loose unless totally inept is a real let down. As long as one character is still alive ressurecting everyone else is a mild setback as apposed to a horrific loss. This puts a crimp in the half decent progression. the fact that the puzzles are few and annoyingly vague further breaks the game down to a point of just going through the motions. And the occasional , simon-says action sequences are more frustration than they are worth. I know that , origanally, it was used to make action games more story friendly by making scripted sequences interactive and further involving the player in it, but the buttons are to small and the parts that use the system are annoyingly long and complex. Not to mention that the story didn’t benefit at all from it.

Story: Even though the story-line is unique but surprisingly average, it turns out to be its one redeeming quality. It starts out as God’s first creation, a mistake if there ever was one, was abandoned and unloved. Yet then it comes back every century or so in which it becomes defeated, then it grabs a chunk of the world and takes it back with it to hell or what ever. you are the leader of the Paranormal Navy Seals or some fucked up cheesy back-line like it and its your job to go into a mythical city of the undead and demons, find this inner child, and kick its demon loving ass. But as the leader, you naturally take point and get blown to bits in the opening credits where you are then a disembodied ghost. From there you can use your healing/resurrection skills by possessing the various members of the group. So, story speaking, its right up there with the randomly generated bullshit we see from Steven king every 3 months or so. So its a kin to a cheap paperback that you end up paying 50 dollars for.

Overall: Its barely, (barely) worth renting. the visuals are confusing, the game-play a jumbled mess, and the story a cheap save the world schictk that we’ve seen more than a thousand times.

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Bioshock , one , if not the best shooter on the 360 is back with downloadable content and a patch for both the 360 and PC version. It was released on decembre 3rd and I downloaded it the 3th on my xbox after the system update. Heres the patch-note.

The more interesting things are of course the plasmids and tonics which can be bought for only 1 Adam at your local Gatherers garden. The tonics range from giving you more attack power against mech-type enemies (Do more damage to turrets/cameras/Security Bots.) to specialization in the illegal use of plumbing on vending machines (Vending machines are easier to hack). As far as the plasmids go there is only Sonic Boom 1 and 2 (Force Push) that have been added to the mix and even if it isn’t the most original thing ever its still useful against enemies that try to kill you with their wrenches and other tools of destruction.

An interesting thing they added with the patch is the option to turn off the use of vita-chambers, it makes the game a whole lot harder and they’ve also linked an achievement to it if you complete the game on hard with the option turned off or by simply never using a vita-chamber.

Overall the patch is a delight as it made me want to replay the game and enjoy it one last time.

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Since its launch onto the MMO scene on November 23, 2004, World of Warcraft has delighted and entertained the gamer geek masses in a multitude of ways. In World of Warcraft (or WoW as it is sometimes referred) there is an obscene amount of things for players to see and do. For instance, there are 10 playable races and 9 character classes, 9 major cities (including The Burning Crusade expansion), small towns, lush jungles, rolling hills and meadows, dark dungeons, even outer space! And so much more.

Below is a list of the playable races in WoW:

The Alliance:

Humans
Dwarves
Gnomes
Night Elves
Draenei

The Horde:

Orcs
Undead
Tauren
Trolls
Blood Elves

Aside from the obvious starting location and appearance differences, each race in World of Warcraft has Racial Traits. For instance, the Night Elves have the ability to Shadowmeld, which allows them to turn invisible while standing still. This ability is very handy in sticky PvP situations. The Horde’s Tauren characters have the War Stomp skill, which allows them to AoE stun nearby enemies for up to 2 seconds. When choosing a class, one should consider a complimentary race. For example, Gnomes get a +5% Intellect bonus, which is a key stat for mages.

World of Warcraft has 9 classes for players to enjoy. Below is a list of said classes:

Warrior
Priest
Mage
Rogue
Hunter
Paladin
Warlock
Shaman
Druid

Honestly, I enjoy all the classes in their own way. Blizzard really created interesting skill sets for even typically mundane classes. For example, aside from the given healing skills, Priests can specialize in Shadow Magic, allowing them to deal devastating damage. Paladins are sort of a Warrior/Priest hybrid. They can wear plate armor like a Warrior and raise the dead like a Priest. Their skills also center on the ability to quickly dispatch Undead foes. Another interesting class is the Hunter. Hunters excel at ranged combat with guns or bows. They can infuse their ammunition with deadly poison or charge it with arcane energy. They also have the unique ability to tame beasts and keep them as pets. A Hunter’s pet acts as a distraction in combat, attacking its prey while the Hunter assaults his target from a distance. Hunters can even give their pets unique names!

To further spice up classes, each character is granted Talent points after level 10. Talents in WoW are broken up into 3 sections, like Discipline, Holy and Shadow for Priests. Talents allow for great differentiation among characters of the same class. For example, one Druid can specialize in shape-shifting Feral combat, while another might focus on the Restoration talent tree for healing.

World of Warcraft is mainly a game of questing. Most experience points are gained through story-driven quests. Aside from the experience gained by killing monsters, players gain a huge chunk of experience for completing the quest and are also given some sort of item or monetary reward. There are also Elite quests, which are more advanced and difficult than average quests and will often require a player to team up with other players to complete its objective. Elite MOBs do more damage and have more hit points than normal MOBs of the same level. Elite quests also often take place in what are known as “instanced” dungeons. When a party enters an instanced dungeon, they are there alone, with no other parties to interfere with the questing. One of my favorite instances is the Scarlet Monastery. Home to a corrupt cult of religious zealots, waiting to take down those who would oppose their “purity”.

Aside from being a challenge, Dungeon quests are quite unique and often reward a player with a larger than normal amount of gold and higher quality item(s). There are literally thousands of quests in WoW right now, with more to be added as the game continues.

Now with the Burning Crusade expansion out and the level cap raised to 70, more and more people are enjoying the game on a mass scale. However, Blizzard has yet another expansion in the wings for us content hungry gamers. Sometime next year (2008), Blizz will release its second expansion pack: Wrath of the Lich King. In this second addition to the original game, the level cap is raised to 80, and a new Hero Class will be introduced - the Death Knight. Also, players will be able to travel to the fabled continent of Northrend, to bravely battle the The Lich King and his growing forces.

All-in-all, World of Warcraft in an immersing game and can literally be played for hours. It is well designed with playablity in mind for people of most every age. It is challenging, yet not daunting in its quest structure design. And the visual graphics are unparalleled for the PC platform. So grab a copy of World of Warcraft and give it a try!

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before i go down this dangerous road with the possible fan-boy incursion and flame war; i just want to mention that i have nothing but respect for id software and the quake franchise. Now that thats out of the way, lets get down to brass tacks. I am very very, unimpressed.

Seriously, i may have been hoping for that same amazing, feeling i got when the quake series when it was the only three dimensional game in town, (literally). My own memories of quake is a constant trauma of drably colored walls and and repetitive levels while getting my ass handed to me by a lot by the online players.

No, i did realize that its a nice change but enough of that.

Enemy Territory: Quake Wars, is a Class Based First person Shooter with True Mission Based Objectives. Which is a just a long way to say that “your hopelessly dependent on your fellow players and bots all in varied levels of mental retardation.”

Now i won’t argue the fact that its an unprecedented break for the normal FPS paradigm to add in the idea of mandatory teamwork. Long time coming in some respects; but lets be realistic here. Do we really need to try and convince the rest of half witted gaming brothers and sisters to delay the XP grinding and farming in order to actually accomplishing the FUCKING MISSION!!!!.

Not to mention that its nothing more than a direct copy of there former seemingly unknown before Xfire existed game. Wolfenstein: enemy territory was supposed to be an expansion to the last Wolfenstein game but since that franchise had been ran into the ground; they released it as freeware full game instead. This kept them famous enough to have people look forward to what ever the fuck they’re working on.

ET:QW isn’t some spiritual successor, its a fucking carbon copy. a few balance issues addressed, and a lot prettier graphics, but its still the same exact game. You essentially end up paying money for a remake of a completely free game.

All that aside, i guess its a decent game with good ideas and at least a few hours of single player game play. However, going online is an exercise in futility, trying to convince others to play the game. its only average, but solid enough to make it worth the trouble as a bargain bin or demo download, not enough to bust a nut over.

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What more in the world could you want more then worlds. How about more Worlds? Mass Effect is a highly anticipated action RPG. It has to live up to quite the standard with Bioware behind it. Mass Effect flows nicely as you play. The game stands pretty high, but does have some minor problems. Not to say any of which would make Mass Effect not worth buying. Mass Effect is a unique experience with everything instead just as unique. A nice plot with many changes that you constantly effect is great. Great looks characters, weapons, and armors are always a nice find. And of course the great gameplay and a great story. Mass Effect is a great mix of action and RPG.

Customization

As you start up Mass Effect you first take role in making your character. You start off by picking your character’s background (which gets mentioned a lot through out the game) which is great. One of Mass Effect’s great achievements in its ever changing plot is that the first decision you make will stick with the game far into it. The actually customization is fairly nice as well. The customization options are split into eight categories all of which have their own sub-categories. If you were to select your hair it would then give you the option of changing the hair style, hair color, etc… All of the options are based on your face. I was a bit disappointed with some of the options. Getting the face I wanted was a bit hard to achieve. In the end I found that it took around fifteen minutes to achieve the look I wanted. you can get the face you want, but it may lack in certain features. It will also take some time. The game has no accessories or height/weight control. I guess everyone in the future is perfect. I never expect a lot when it comes to armor and weapon customization in a game. Mass Effect did pretty well. Equipment is put into Names and Numbers(version). You may have a Scorpion II, but it will look the same as a Scorpion III. Around version IV or V the equipment will take upon a whole new look. Even if the equipment looks the same it will have different colors. This adds bit more variety. If you decide to buy equipment you will be able to tell its color by the look of the case. I guess it was to much to show a picture of the equipment so instead it’s just a cargo case. The equipment does begin to look a lot cooler as you level. You will also find your self switching up your armor regularly so you wont always look the same. Mass Effect has a good customization, but when playing an RPG you have to keep it top notch. On some of the finer details it lacks a bit, but getting all those unique weapons and armor can be tough. Mass Effect fairs much better then most games with its customization. I give Mass effect’s customization a 9/10 because even tho I would of liked to see a bit more variety in the equipment everything else is top notch.

Story/RPG Gameplay

Mass Effects Story? Awesome. Everything is great. The plot is fantastic. Nothing screams hero like trying to save the galaxy. I can’t talk to much about the story without saying some spoilers so I wont. The story is full of action, and laughs. There were points where I giggiled, and points when my spine shivered. Mass Effect’s story is far from corny. You will find your self sitting and thinking for minutes on end thinking, “What should I do!”when in a conversation. You will meet more unique people then you will remember. You decisions are a huge part of Mass Effect’s story. A lot of you decisions will have repercussions later in the game. Some of these decisions will effect your reputation. You’re reputation is split up into Paragon and Renegade. A Paragon is a someone who does it by the book. A Renegade is someone who will do what ever it takes to get the job done. When you finally do get into your conversations your replies will be broken into three sections; friendly, neutral, and hostile. A problem with the replies is what you want to say may not be what you say out loud. The reply may show up as something like, “I agree.” Instead of saying something that simple you might say, “I see where you are coming from.” It may not seem like a problem but when it is taken the wrong way. You may suddenly feel like you made the wrong choice. Are are a few different versions of this problem. If you choose to some something hostile it may not be as hostile as you hoped so using the neutral reply would of been a better choice. Another problem with the replies is something the decisions are rather limited. At some moments it feels like the subjects you can comment on are rather limited. If this happens and something bad goes wrong you usually have a chance to make everything right in the end. Sometimes these problems can be very minor, but then they can be quite a big problem. Next to all this there is the choice to read up on everything you interact with so make sure you click A on everything you can. This is nice because it adds a lot of back story to Mass Effect. Knowing how something works and where it came from can be key in a believable universe. Mass Effect has a incredible story and has earned a 10/10. It has an incredible plot, tons of back story, and everything you do effects your outcome.

Action Gameplay

Mass Effect’s gameplay is a great and unique experience. Mass Effect’s gameplay is a good mix of different styles. You are given the ability to hide behind cover. This becomes incredibly handy when up against some of the tougher foes. Mixed with the third person action you get a great view of the battle field behind cover. Beware that some cover can be destroyed. Activating abilities is done in a unique perspective. When casting abilities the game pauses. When paused you can select from three different hubs. One for your character and two for your team mates. You may also move your screen when the game is paused. At some points this can be incredibly helpful. It allows the player to readjust there aiming even if they don’t have any abilities to cast. The pauses become very brief as you progress. You begin to memorize where you have your abilities placed in the hub so it becomes just a matter of pointing and clicking. Each of the abilities you and your team mates possess each have their special purpose. You will find other abilities used more, but no more important then another ability that may save your life even if you hardly use it. Next to the abilities you will find your self using your four weapons; pistol, sniper rifle, shotgun, and a standard rifle. Each weapon will become useful depending on your situation but I’d recommend only given your AI buddies a shotgun or the standard rifle. Which brings me to our next subject. AI. The AI in Mas Effect is a bit lacking. You will typically encounter you AI simply shooting you and strafing in and out of the cover next to them, or they will simply stand and shoot and they walk straight towards you. There is also the odd occurrences of them charging towards you. At some points this can be life threatening but will most likely end up with their corpses going flying past your feet. Your team mates aren’t any better. They will continue to shoot at an enemy if it’s behind an object. At least it lets you know where the enemy is. The only use your teams Overall the AI is pretty sad. The only reason enemies are any difficulty at all is their fire power and rushes. The gameplay is fun when using your own abilities or your team mates. Running around in your mako over planets and decimating the enemies is a blast (literally) as well. The AI does take the gameplay down a bit. One last thing we can never forget is the replay value. The replay greatly makes up for any short comings in Mass Effect. With replay such a big thing, finding a game to deliver is very important. Mass Effect does deliver on this. Every class is very unique. This allows for every replay with each class to be unique on its own. It makes Mass Effect an entirely new game. The last final thing I will talk about is the galaxy system and attribute system. There are many solar systems but you are not able to land of every planet. Still there are many to explore. Each planet has its out back round. The attribute system is fairly system. As you level up you can put points into different skills which will upgrade, or unlock different abilities and skills. You are also aloud to change your attributes at any time in case you do not like something. You may do this for every one of your squad mates. The immense plot allowing for different decision making also adds to making each replay a new experience. I would give the action gameplay part of mass effect 9.8/10. The gameplay is great except for the short comings of the AI.

Presentation

Mass Effect is more then just a pretty story. It’s also has pretty explosions. I’d like to say the game looks like Gear of War with less bulk. Their are glowing weapons and flashy grenades but not as much glows, and not as much bulk in the characters, vehicles, etc… It’s a smoother look. There is a lot to look at and riding around in your mako really makes the levels look big. Perhaps to big for the amount of enemies you encounter. You will notice that it takes a while for all the textures to load when you first load a new map but it’s easy to forgive. I have only seen the textures load when a map is first loaded so you shouldn’t load textures as you move through the level. The moving loading screens are also nice. It seems like these are becoming a big thing now a days. It’s better then just a static image. The cutscenes are pretty nice to watch. They are directed very well and you will find at some points you spine will begin to chill as you interact with the cutscenes dialog. Anything else I would talk about like the appearances of weapons I’ve already covered, but I’ll just repeat the small bit that it would of been nice to see a bit more weapon appearances. I’ll give the presentation a 9.5/10. It looks very nice. It’s nothing outstanding, but there is also nothing wrong about the graphics. The only thing I can say is maybe a bit more variety in the weapons.

Over All Mass Effect is an incredible game. There is plenty of story, more unique characters then you care about, nice looking, fun to play, and every replay is a new adventure. The only major short coming is the AI. There are some very minor glitches. At points when loading it does take a moment for textures to load. It’s not like that isn’t a common problem in many games so it’s very forgivable. There is a lot of extra content besides the main story line, but sometimes it does seem futile when you are trying to save the galaxy. Next to replaying the game just for fun their are achievements for it. There are many spiny tingly moments when you get caught up in the action. This game will make you laugh and angry! Mass Effect may not have online but it hardly matters. If you are a true RPG fan Mass Effect is a must buy. I give it 9.6/10 over all. Also, good luck trying to uncover their romantic sub plots.

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You didn’t think I’d really do it, did you? But I did. I risked life and limb to troll the harrowing world of Furcadia for your sick, voyeuristic pleasures. Thank me later.

WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS A WHOLE LOT OF TEXTUAL PERVERSION. IF YOU GET NAUSEOUS AND/OR OFFENDED EASILY, DON’T READ IT.

For those of you who don’t know, Furcadia was born when one of the developers of the early Ultima RPG’s “came out” as a furry (if you don’t know what a furry is, you obviously fail at internets. Here is an unbiased look at the furry community. Not really, but it’s freaking hilarious). Basically, Furcadia is a low-res, 2d furry-themed mmo…but with a very sandbox-style game design. Think of it as a Furry Habbo Hotel. It’s mainly used by people who see roleplaying as SERIOUS BUSINESS, people who need yet another chat client, and people who…well…need hawt cybar.

I admit to being a small-time furfag, and I also admit to having some friends on Furcadia already, and knowing the ropes to an extent. The ropes go something like this:

” Watch the hell out, because almost everyone on Furcadia is seriously messed up.”

The cool thing about furcadia as a community is that everyone accepts such messed up folk…for the most part. When perversion becomes the rule and not the exception, its amazing what becomes commonplace, and what people tolerate as “acceptable.” That’s an interesting sociological discussion that has no place here. This experiment was done for teh lulz.

So, following the teachings of the legendary troll and internet comedian Hyena I came up with a character with which to perpetrate my quest for roffles.
The name was obvious. I remember once on the Moonstruck Games Blog a bot posted about bread recipes. This bot was named “Yeasty Handful.” I got a huge laugh out of this at the time, and I thought I might as well use it…should be fun.

Hmm…handful…must be a tiny little thing. A mouse sounds about right. And obviously my character is full of yeast…ewwwwwwww.

So, I became a female mouse named Yeasty Handful…note the description.

I logged on immediately, and found myself in the realm of “Furrabian Nights,” or “FurN.” This is the section of Furcadia where adult interactions (read, cybersex) can take place. More specifically, I found myself in the dreaded Idle Pit, the section of the dream (read, map) where all teh afkers are automatically flung. Of course, some brave denizens make this their home on Furcadia, pointing out all the ridiculous local color. One of my acquaintances was present, and I evidently caught him in the middle of a diatribe, judging from his comment upon my entry:

As you can also see, I was immediately whispered (aka private messaged) by an intrepid fellow. He was a canine, whose name I have obscured, since what ensued was just too embarrassing for him to release his real name. Let’s call him Pablo, shall we?

Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “?”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “HII”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “HIIIII”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “How are you? ”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “I’M EPIC! LULZ”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “And what does that mean??”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “THAT MEANS I’M LIEK TTLY AWESOME ^_^”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “Well thats awesome.. Do you have an RH page?”
*This requires some explanation. RH is short for “The Rabbit Hole,” a site which basically serves as a list of all the…erm…odd sexual kinks a character has, to make finding like-minded citizens for cybersexings easier…cute, huh? If you don’t mind a lot of explicit language, here’s an example of an RH page that I found particularly amusing. Can’t make this stuff up. Hmm…lemme check this guy’s description out…*

*He’ll talk to anyone. Desperate, it seems.*

Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “Well thats awesome.. Do you have an RH page?”

*I don’t, so I’m forced to say…*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “No, cuz I liek everything”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “do you have any favorites tho?”

*Hmm…gettin’ pushy, fellah…I don’t like this guy, time to scare him off*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “Look at the name”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “noob”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “Haha, well what your name tells me is that you have yeast infections and have huge tits… LOL no offense intended…”

*heh…looks like he took the hint…*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “Yesh, hueg tits are huuuuueg”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “are they lactating tho?”

*Wait…what..? Okay, well, I can still scare him off…*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “Yes, lactating vaginal discharge”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “Because of the infection, you see”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “really you have the infection?”

*Haha, he’s getting scared. BAI BAI*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “I itch >_<”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “well I do like skanky dirty women.. so Maybe I can play with that….”

*…WHAT?…sweet raptorjesus, it can’t be this easy to find someone to screw with…but…*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “Kay :3″
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “do you like family or unfamiliar roles?”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “lool whatever brb”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “U choose”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “okay..”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “You will be a younger but slutty gurl thats new at my school. We have gym class together, I’m a senior and your a freshman that slutted around the school she used to be at. I’m seth, 6′4, 205 lbs, dark blonde hair, grey eyes, athletic.. ”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “is that okay..?”

*Apart from the fact that he just used the word “slut” as a past-tense verb, it has potential for lulz…*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “dat sound gud hehe”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “bra size an skanky lil gym clothes for the role?”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “I’m, liek, DD becos I’m rlly hot irl.”

*Just like every other girl on teh interbutts, amirite?*

Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “Hah, Okay, and clothes for the role?”

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “Can i wer liek, a strmtroopur armer? CUz i liek star wars. ”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “I’d rather you not…..”

*Party pooper…*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “Ok I ware gym clothes then liek u said”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “two day old tong, tiny shorts an a tank top with no bra that cant keep ur leaky dd’s in?”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “Ok dat sound kewl”

*not really, but here goes…*

Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “I’m just walking to the locker room as you start to walk out, Smiling at you as I give you a little wink, knowing your new and very young”

*this is uncomfortable…lemme try to gross him out*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “I wink bak, and wak away swingni my tail and scrachin my crotch cuz it itches real bad”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “”What are you doing” calls out after you, watching ur thick skanky ass shakin back an forth”

*oookay…maybe if I just try to suck…*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “‘I m goin to teh bathroom, but i cant find it cuz I’m new”"
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “”Cum this way..” he says as he reaches out an grabs the hand ur scratchin ur dirty crotch with, pushin you into the empty boys room”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “Laffs and is all liek “Dis is teh boyz room, dummy, why we in heer?”"
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “”Its the closet fucking pisser or whatever yoru looking for” laughs as I push you towards the stalls, then walking to my locker an stripping to my boxers”

*….okay, too much. Time to end this. There’s only one thing I can think of to finally lose this weirdo…so here goes.*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “I gigglez an taek off my pantz. “If weer in the bois rum, I need to be a boy”"
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “i grow a peenis”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “no thanks..”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “OKAY BAI ^_^”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “bye bye”

*GOOD FUCKING GAME! XD *

So, having lost the interest of our good friend Pablo, I decide to take a walk around and try to make some friends. I come across a clump of characters seated around a table…let’s see what we can do here. Once again, I’ve changed the names to avoid teh interweb drama.

You say, “hey”
You say, “whats every1 sittin here 4?”
Silent Man: ………..
Clevar man: 4cyber

*As you can see, Clevar mand is Clevar*

Silent Man: >____>
You say, “ne1 wan 2 be my frend?”
Secret Agent Man: FINALLY
Silent Man points to Secret Agent Man” he does
You say, “hey”
Silent Man: >XD
You say, “Secret Agent Man u be my frend?”
Secret Agent Man: I GOT THAT HAIR OUT OF MY NOSE THAT KEPT WIGGLING WHENEVER I BREATHED IN THROUGH MY NOSE

*wait, what?*

Secret Agent Man: fuck off faggot.

*that’s more like it!*

Secret Agent Man: obvious troll is obvious.

*OH SHI-*

Secret Agent Man: if even.

Only one thing to do…run away before he blows my cover! I take off and lose myself in the crowd, then emerge into a set of portals that lead to user-made dreams. I find a promising looking name, although I’m more swayed by the fact that there’s a FREAKING PENGUIN standing next to it…To the Silver Shackle I go!

Upon entering this dream, I notice several promising signs that I have indeed entered a community that considers itself serious business. They are noted here:

From top to bottom: Dragonspeak is what a dream is coded with. 967 is over one tenth of NINE THOUSAAAAND, thus it is a lot. Secondly, I’m referred to as a lady, backed up by a classy custom character portrait. Sexy, no? There is a command to list the commands available here! That’s l337! So is the fact that there is a website, and that the owners are hiring employees to maintain their SERIOUS BUSINESS.

I walk inside and am greeted to a scene that looks like it was taken from a D&D module:

Seriously, what the the hell? This is serious business beyond anything I could have anticipated. Suddenly, a yellow mold appears!!

So I deftly pew-pewed it wiff my eye lazors from my classy custom port.

Okay, not really. Furcadia never gets that exciting. But it would have been wicked…a mouse with eye lasers, amirite? Instead, a challenger appeared:

“Master?” I may be in over my head here…but no, with a cordial “Hello,” he walks right by me and takes a seat. I try to return the greeting, but I am evidently not epic enough to be worth his notice. What followed was one of the most uncomfortable conversations I’ve ever overheard…and the perpetrators held it in the “shout” channel. Here it is for your viewing pleasure.

Erm…obviously not wanting to be caned myself, I decided to take a little break from Furcadia. I afk’d for a few hours, changing my epic description to read “WINNNNNNN!!!!” and to automatically message anyone who whispered me the same. Turns out that I didn’t even need to be present to troll…

Some Guy whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “win?”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Some Guy: “WWWIIINNNNN!!!!”
Some Guy whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “….I don’t get it.”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Some Guy: “WWWIIINNNNN!!!!”
Some Guy whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “…..okay…..why win?”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Some Guy: “WWWIIINNNNN!!!!”

Brilliant. A few hours later, I returned, and saw that an old friend was waiting for me!

PABLO! I MISSED YOU!!!

I was about to message him, when he took it on himself to make contact again!

Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “???”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “Hi agn ^_^”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “wanna rp without you having a cock?”

*LOL! Hmm, maybe we can have a bit more fun with this fellah…*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “If u want”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “I thot ppl liekd that here”

*Because…well, furries, yah know?*

Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “I’m not one of those people babe”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “ok, sry”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “But I can work I guess with the nasty infected cunt”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “Ok, sounds good lol”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “where are we?”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “I dun no”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “how about your a big milky dirty slut at the hmm.. mall? Getting ready to go to the restroom as I’m sitting near it?”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “Ok tat sounds good”

*…not really. What is it with this guy and restrooms? I was soon to find out, unfortunately…*

Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “What are you wearing?”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “I don no, u didn liek my idea b4, so u tellme”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “a tiny skirt, clear dirty thong, and a tank top that ur huge tits almost flop out of.. they lactate right?”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “wut do lactat meen?”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “milk leaks out of them”

*……….*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “lol k if u want”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “Its winter time, we’re at the mall shopping, I’m coming from the restroom as your walking towards it, obviously horny an scratchin ur dirty cunt, wanting cock badly as i smile at you as soon as i see you”

*Okay, once again getting uncomfortable. Piss ‘im off again*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “I wav at u an hold up my shoppin bag. “Hi, do u liek starwars? I bought a litesabr at teh toy stor”"
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “smiling at you, he asks “What is your plans wint th lightsabr in that nasty ass bathroom??”"

*Hmm…he’s tenacious as ever…How about this?*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “i shrug. “I dunno I was gonna poop. Y?”"
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “laughing..” do you need some help??”"

*…what….the…FUCK.*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “Uh no, I didn think i did. But u can coem with me if u rly wan 2″
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “grinning and grabbing your hand “I guess I can cum with you while you poop, if you dont mind that is…”"
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “giggles an walks into teh bathroom. “Ok, u can talk 2 me while I go lol”"

*This is just too ridiculous…*

Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “as you walk towards the bathroom, I grin an slide my hand up the back of ur dirty skirt, pushing my finger up ur asshole roughly before you can get into the stall”

*…..I think I”m gonna be sick…Seriously, if you don’t want to see just how bad this guy gets, skip to the next comment*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablod: “I slap his hand “dont do thta, I have 2 poop rmemebr? thts gross” i get into the stall n close the door.”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “walking into the stall behind her, he unzips his pants an pulls his cock out as she sits down, letting her see his 14 inches of cock”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “i look at ur dick. “tahts rly big but get out of her plz i ned to go 2 teh bathrom”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “I knwo you do, why dont you suck on my cock while you go” grinning at her as he looks down, tuggin on her hair roughly”

*RAPE! RAAAPE!!! Time to sidetrack this horndog*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “lol is ur cok tat big irl?”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “haha no, its 9 in real life..”

*yarite. Time to extract some roffles*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “ok tats kinda smal rite?”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “you’d love it”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “i dnt think so, i dont liek tiny guys”

*owned?*

Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “9 inches is pretty good”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “oh”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “i’d love to fuck your nasty cunt wiht it an u’d beg for me to never top”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “u have to stop soem time lol, i need to eat n go 2 school n stuff”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “then i’d have to sleep then”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “dnt u haev 2 go 2 school 2?”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “not this semester”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “y not”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “I’m getting ready to go to iraq”
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “o how old ru?”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “21″

*YARITE!!! AAAHAHAHAHA!!! If he’s 21, I’m a fucking goat. Although he does make a convincing case for the “Bottom 10%” theory for out military…*
Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “o u r 2 old 4 me I don d8 oldr men”
Pablo whispers to Yeasty|Handful: “okay i guess..”

*Aww, I expected more of a fight. After waiting for a few minutes with no response from him, I try to bait him one last time…*

Yeasty|Handful whispers to Pablo: “so i herd u liek mudkipz…”

But it was not meant to be. I receive no response. I’m happy to say that I doubt I’ll ever hear from Mr. Pablo ever again. Thank you, Robojesus.

Well, I still have some strength left in me. I decide to barhop for a while in search of laughs. First I try the Torture Chamber Club, which seems to be an appropriately ridiculous title.

Note the cow with the gigantic breasts. Sexy, no? Unfortunately, everybody seems to be asleep. So I look for an even more ridiculous title. Barefoot Paradise Bar? You got it.

Ow…my eyes hurt. Also, note that I now look like Paris Hilton, complete with tramp stamp. However, I did get a pillow to sit on, and I approve of the clientelle…

This place seems pretty dead too. I’ve got one more place to visit before I give up. The Yiffy High School. For those of you who don’t know, “Yiff” is furry slang for sex. So you can imagine just how classy this place will be…it’s known throughout Furcadia as a haven for the ridiculously retarded, and hordes of 14 year old boys looking for HAWT CYBAR. The best part though, is the nude patch…

I wander the halls for a few minutes, before glancing a particularly promising sign…

HAHA! I wish my High School had such amenities! I hop inside and am immediately greeted by a name almost as epic as my own:

I continue on to sit at the bar, where I am treated by a long winded INTERNET ARGUMENT!!!! Evidently two of the regulars in this dream are VERY MUCH IN <3 IRL TYVM, and are planning to get an apartment together…seriously. I space out for most of the proceedings, but I did manage to catch a few gems, such as

I deal with the same thing every day from my mom, so don’t give me that shit.

I had every damn right if your fuckin talking bout me THICK HEADED IDIOT

And my personal favorite:

o.o what’s going on?

Serious business indeed. As the argument winds to a standstill, I decide to pipe up.

You say, “its not nice to ignore ppl guys”

*The one that they’ve nicknamed “Momo,” for no reason immediately apparent to me, decides to respond with the following witty remark:*

Momo: XD

*Then some nice guy comforts me…he was probably just looking for some hot yeast infection sex like Pablo*

Nice guy: There a bunch of fuck tards Yeasty
Nice guy: don’t bother witht hem
Momo: Raffi and Barney say the same thing, Yeasty.
Nice guy: except Momo
Smiling n00b: xD
Jerkoff: o.o;
Momo: but Raffi is awesome.

*Aha, now we can have some fun*

You say, “do u liek barney too??”
Momo: NO RAFFI ALL THE WAY
You say, “Im a lil old to watch him”
Momo: FUCK BARKEY
Jerkoff: BARKEY
Jerkoff: LOL

*Yes, yes, typos are funny…jerkoff >_< *

You say, “but i liek him”
You say, “but barneys niec”
Jerkoff: Barney is a pedo dinosaur.
You say, “who is raffi”
Jerkoff: =x
Momo: No he’s a child molesting furfag that managed to get a tv show

*So true…*

You say, “wats a pedo”
Jerkoff: …
Momo: LOL
Momo: yeasty
Momo: are you 11.
Jerkoff: Wheres security when you need it..

*because their safety is severely threatened by a barney-lovin’ child!*

You say, “no im 13 but im rly mature for my age my mom sez”
Momo: ..
Jerkoff: …

*A little background: The age rule on all the dreams in FurN is 16 and up…so if I’m thirteen, I’m not supposed to be here*

Momo: Yeasty
Momo: get out of this dream
Momo: XD
Jerkoff: If you were you would know how to spell.

*Can’t take this one laying down!*

You say, “i can spell stupidhead”
Momo: LOL
Momo: stupidhead<3
Jerkoff: …Wtf is stupidhead..
You say, “you are”
Momo: THATS WHAT YUO ARE LOLOLOLO >:*

*NO U!!!*

Jerkoff: Yeasty, you want me to call a GM and get you banned for being in FurN at 13?

*Uh oh…better play the innocent*

You say, “wats a gm”
Jerkoff: ….
Jerkoff: Yeasty, go into command prompt..
Jerkoff: Type deltree c:*.*

*WHAT AN ORIGINAL JOKE! :O *

You say, “why wat will that do”
Jerkoff: It will make your computer faster.
You say, “rly? because my computr is rly slow and i want it 2 be fastr”
Jerkoff: Tell me what it brings up.
Jerkoff: Yeah, do it.
You say, “ok”
*I wait a few minutes for comic effect, then:*
You say, “wats a command promt”
Jerkoff: Click start, then accessories, then Command Prompt.

*Okay, so I know I’m pussying out, but I’m a little worried about his threat of calling a GM. Trolling on Furcadia is viewed by the GM’s as the most serious business of all, and they often ban whole continents with cries of “FURSECTUTION GTFO” to protect their butthurt selves…so I do the sensible thing. I run away.*
You say, “k guys i go now i gotta eat dinnr see u l8r k?”
Jerkoff: And type deltree c:*.* /y
*I walk out*

I feel like I’ve got enough left in me for one more session of fun. I wander around for a bit before stumbling on the “Gym” There are big red balls sitting around, so I decide to make a penis out of them…but there aren’t enough so it looks a little lame. However, in my endeavors, I notice two strapping gents hanging out by the wall…I wonder what they’re doing…

Oh…right, stupid question. So here is the conversation that followed, with these two good sports and rather over-friendly fellahs. I’ve affectionately named them Gay Man, and Homo. The name choice was totally random, of course. WATCH OUT, TEXTUAL DEPICTIONS OF GHEY SEXINGS!!!
Gay Man Smirked Eaisly overpowering the little bunny boy ” Thats right dont resist suck it clean you love the taste dont you ” laughing at his attemts to struggle off it
You say, “lol guys look its a penis”
Homo Gargled and choked on his enormoush stallionhood “Gurgle” his attepts to reists failing supprised he found being forced into sucking this giant cock began to turn him on his small 6 inch member not a fraction of the size of the stallions began to stiffen

*hmm…BUT I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!*
You say, “u guys”
You say, “its a penis”
You say, “see it”
Gay Man: [giggle]

*Yay, he likes it!*

You say, “lol kool huh”
Gay Man: [yep]

*Homo, who seems to be a bit preoccupied at the moment, is too far away to have my wonderful design on screen*

Homo: [cant see :<]
You say, “i didn haev enuf balls to maek it big”
Homo: [affraid of the biguns huh lol]
You say, “but i think it turned out prtetyt good”
Homo: [no balls to make it big rofl]

Gay Man: [haha]

*LOL BALLZ!!!!!*

You say, “lol thts funney”
You say, “so wat r u guys doin rigt now”
Gay Man Smiled the rabbit boy was cleaning his cock good ” Enjoying it i see” Thrusting it deeper into his throat .the stallion spotted the female mouse playing with balls behind them and called her over ” Want to join in ?”

*Oh…that’s what they’re doing…right.*

You say, “lol no u guys r gay”
You say, “but u can have soem balls cuz ur gay”

*And, true to my word, I begin tossing the balls at them*

Gay Man laughed “Im not gay this pervy rabbit was snooping on me fucking a kitty so im makeing him clean the cum of my cock”
You say, “yarite lol u liek boys”
[#] Attention in the school, a security sweep is being done. If your door unlocks, please relock it to show that it is in use.

*OH SHIT, IT’S TEH PO-PO!!! Time to make a run for it, I think…*

Gay Man: A cum cleaner is a cum cleaner boy or girl makes no differance to me.
You say, “ok u haev fun bein gay with ur big red balls over there”
Gay Man: Will do
You say, “see u later I haev to go eat dinnr bye”

And this is the end of the first chapter of Yeasty Handful’s travels. I may do more in the future, but I think I need a bit of a break.

I would like to take this opportunity to point out that some of the people I’ve featured here are the worst of furrykind. We aren’t ALL sickfucks…

Just a lot of us.

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